All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
