Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
