My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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