Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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