dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
