so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
what day is it and did you see me today?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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