I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I want a musical about memes.
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