I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
