When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
