She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
