I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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