I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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