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My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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