Betty ford says i'm here all night
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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