I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
