last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
