Hey man sorry I got all grabby
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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