Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
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If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
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And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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