things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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