Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
