why didn't you poke me back
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
