By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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