I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
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