would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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