do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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