I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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