It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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