are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
