i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
