just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize