my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
