i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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