I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
