She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize