Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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