so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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