4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well I just put wine in my tea
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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