we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
