Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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