Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i need some magic done to my vagina
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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