I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
