somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
