At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
