So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
