my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
