Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
