i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
