meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
