I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
