Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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