I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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