cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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