Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
