Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
