I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
if only i could text you this smell
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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