Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
