Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
A bitchslap is in order.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
