Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
