2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I have tasted many bathrooms
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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