guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
