This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
