dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
