It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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