Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
