There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
